Yesterday the temperature dropped. It had been raining for several days but the temperatures stayed hot and muggy. But yesterday the temperature dropped, barely hitting into the low 70s. Overnight it dropped to mid 50s, sleeping with the windows open again after several weeks of lows in the 70s, it felt good. This morning leaving for work, you could feel it. The change in the air, fall is coming. Before I even realized it a slight sigh escaped my own lips as I closed the chain-link gate after backing out of the garage.
I drive an 2007, so I still keep a few small selection of cds in my vehicle. Without even thinking I switch cds, putting one into the player that you had made me. Instantly, Snow Patrol started singing You’re All I Have….
And I was suddenly transported back to a New England fall, years ago now. You are sitting on the old wooden floors of that 1890s early craftsman home, that was my first floor apartment. I remember watching you working on your laptop; I stood in the doorway of the kitchen, on the other side of the dinning room, watching you. I don’t remember what I was cooking. I remember you were burning cds on an overcast October Saturday. I remember the air was crisp and the change of color in full swing. I remember the warm flood of realization of my feelings. I remember how we would walk to that used bookstore a couple blocks from the house, have coffee and sit on the old furniture. How we would talk about some day…. Or the old Irish pub/restaurant that was kitty-corner across the traffic light. How you loved finding new brews, the more local and less mass produced the better. My hair was short then, you use to tell me how much you loved it as you would run your fingers up the back side that was shaved and it would always send a warm shiver down my spine.
I come back to reality, realizing I am but 2 blocks from my office. The cd has played several songs, and now Set Fire To The Third Bar is playing….
I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from ‘A’ to where you’d be
It’s only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I’d find your face
My fingers in creases of distant dark places
I remember how much I loved you. How somewhere, deep inside my heart I still keep a part of you buried, because in one way, I still love you.
I catch myself wiping away a tear.
-Inked Amazon Warrior