It has been a very busy and hectic past couple of weeks.
This past Monday proved maybe I was pushing myself a little too much and not taking enough rest… When I failed to push weight on an incline log that is way under what I can hit on a barbell. I was extremely disappointed in myself.
Took Tuesday off, even left work early just feeling drained.
Wednesday, I felt better so I went in for squats.
Not enough food and defiantly not rested as well as I thought. I bottomed out on my second rep second set. I was PISSED. Largely because it was only five pounds heavier than I had squatted the week before and in higher reps…. Took the 3rd set as a single rep and hit it without too much struggle. It cleared the mental block but I didn’t feel better about the day’s lift. The accessory work that followed my heavy squats didn’t lift my spirits about it…at that point I almost felt like I was just going through motions and I caught myself not even counting on one set and just moving.
Another rest day on Thursday, loaded up on carbs, more carbs during the day on Friday and went in for mass amount of deadlifts…. Sumo. Fuck. I don’t know how to sumo…. Fortunately, one of the powerlifters agreed to work with me on this. Ok. Work up to a 3 rep max and I hit 320. This made me feel better. Then into deficits and dimel deadlifts…. Holy shit my legs, hell everything from the hips down is just burned OUT.
This did make me feel a little better in whole about the week. At least one solid lift day out of three, makes me feel like the entire week isn’t a total loss.
I also know my new coach is slowly working me up and spotting my weaknesses…I feel there is a lot. I could be stronger, I’m not as strong as I should be and I get mad at myself for failure. I don’t usually voice the frustration I often feel. Between those who lift with or around me, to the comments left on my IG…it’s nice, but it registers as much value as saying hello when you walk in the gym. I give very little weight to the complements, because in my head it’s never enough, I’m never enough, strong enough or fast enough. Something could have always been faster or heavier. In fact, these are the thoughts that drive me. I don’t like rest, even as I sit here now fighting to stay awake. I’m still re-hashing what I screwed up, what I could of done to make it better and making mental notes for the week to come.
My other problem, half problem, I do occasionally see my gym time as a bit of a social time… I have let that slip too much and it was pointed out to me tonight, to a point it annoyed me. However, he is right. I need to get back in the habit of walking in, warming up with my earbuds in and just getting to work. Period. I use to, in my previous gym do just this. I wore Beats headphones and ignored anyone and everyone until someone would touch my shoulder for something and most didn’t dare…
“…you’re there to work.”
There is no argument. I have invested in a coach for a reason. I’ve asked for help (which anyone who actually knows me, knows this is a rarity) from a friend and powerlifter, who has pushed me to a heavier weights on sumo deadlifts and bench press than I would have done on my own… When did I start fearing the iron again? I thought I had moved past that……. Fuck.
I decided earlier this week, I would get through Friday, and then I was taking the entire weekend off from the gym. No training of any kind. I have not taken a do nothing day in probably a month or more and I am long over due. The idea of turning off all electronic devices and disappearing into a book is beyond appealing. I have so many new books just sitting in my ‘to read’ pile.
-Inked Amazon Warrior