Where does the time go?

Last weekend I was sitting in a tree stand with my bow thinking I should write a blog about this… A couple days later when I looked, it’s been a year since I wrote anything.  A whole year?!?

Where has the time gone?!

Then I started thinking about how the past year of chaos has been spent… Absorbed with good friends, the stress and chaos of loosing the house I was renting and buying a place of my own, moving, work, learning how to be a homeowner and all the oddities that have gone into the first 6 months, the beginning and end of a couple romantic relationships, white tail bow hunting for the first time…. Yea, it’s been a busy 300 and some odd days.

Now I’m sitting at my kitchen table… I have room for a kitchen table!!  With the 4 new to me chairs I just purchased yesterday morning, looking out the slider door over my deck and backyard.  The late October Michigan sky is overcast of blues and grey, we had freezing rain yesterday and a little snow last night -the first of the season.  My heart is so in love with my life.

In late August or maybe early September, not really sure which, hell maybe it was even July…while hosting a bonfire at my house with friends; I decided I was going to host this year’s holiday party with friends.  Wait, whaaatttt…. I’m hosting the holiday party!?!!!  I have not hosted one since 2006, the same year as my divorce.  I’ve gone to a friends house once or twice for Christmas, but in the past 10+ years I have not willingly done much for the holidays.  In fact last year’s plans fell through because my friends’ kids were sick, so instead I barricaded myself in my tiny rental with a rotisserie chicken and pie, then decided to paint my bedroom. The year before I spent Christmas day with my phones (work included) turned off and snowshoeing.

Now this year, I am planning the Yule dinner with friends -yes it is going include a bonfire!  …and I am so excited about all of it.  Yesterday I was in Hobby Lobby and of course the Christmas decorations were 40% off, I bought a new tree topper and some bulbs, a table runner and I was smiling the whole time. Let that sink in, I bought Christmas stuff in October!  Me!!  The one who has been boycotting anything to do with the holidays the past 10 years.  Now mentally I am running over in my head how I want to set the house up, the feeling I want the home to give off with the decorations and oh crap I want to buy this or that… I need this…. I want to replace these for those….

Last year I talked about the emotional healing I felt I had gone through and that I had come to be in a better place.  Clearly what started last year has continued into this year like a snowball rolling down a steep cliff.  Proof of this can be seen in the smile on my face when I fill my house with the loud laughter of my friends.  The calmness in my soul on an overcast Sunday morning as I enjoy my morning coffee curled up in my oversized chair with my two dogs laying on my feet.

I still eat animal crackers with my coffee on a lazy weekend morning, some things will never change.

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Why am I still holding on?

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Why is sorting through the junk in my house so incredibly difficult.  What in the actual FUCK is still wrong with me?!
Why am I so frustrated trying to do this!!
Why do I have so many stupid cook books?  I hate cooking!

Some times, a lot of times, I have found that if I just start typing…verbal vomit, so to speak, sometimes I have those A-HA moments and realize what is holding me up.  Something just clicks.  So now, I’m trying to figure that out…

Late fall, early winter, I set the goal that I would have more control over this house.  I would do a mass de-cluttering.  Well, it’s April and I still feel closed in… there is too much shit and the further I dig into things, the more crammed into spaces I find things.

Let me back up.  I hate clutter.  I hate a messy house.  So in reality, this house is no where near a episode of hoarders, it just feels that way to me.  I have to much junk, too much junk that is not used.  It needs to go.  So why, when I am looking at a pile of cook books in my kitchen, that I pulled from their hiding spot last Sunday do I get anxious and want to put all of them back into their hiding spot on the rack?!  I hate cooking.  It’s not that I’m bad at it, I just don’t like it.  I managed to put half of the cook books into a box to go to Goodwill.  This morning, it dawned on me.  Pinterest.  I have Pinterest, if I need to find a recipe, I can just surf Pinterest and ditch 95% of these cook books.  Hell, one had so much dust on the top of it, that I’m sure I have not looked at it in four years.  I do not need this book, why have I been holding on?! When I sent that text message to my boyfriend, he responded with, “No baby, I know how to cook for us.”  This simple answer seemed to make it so much easier, so simple.

Hoodies… oh dear god I have a hoodie obsession.  I pulled all the ones hung on hooks behind my bedroom door, off yesterday and moved them to the chair in the front room.  I looked, picked up each one, put it back down at least four times.  I could not bring myself to put any of them into the pile for Goodwill.  FAK.

What the hell is wrong with me?  Abandonment issues?  Financial struggle?  Personal and or work stress?  All of the above??!

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Ok.  What am I holding on to, just in case… What if I need this dress for a special occasion?  What if I need… Or what if I want this later.  It’s time for it to go.  The trouble I have, is anxiety kicks up trying to place these things into the box to Goodwill.  Some how I need to force through it and just be done with it.

I’ve done a good job of cutting people out of my life that weighed me down, ones that made me feel bad about my life decisions or just in general made me feel bad about me.  Now it’s time to further disconnect from physical possessions. Physical possessions do not bring happiness, it brings a cluttered confined space, and this brings on more stress.  I feel it about mid week, when I feel my house has become a mess and I just become more frustrated by the way my house feels to me and I cannot get comfortable in my own space because it feels so confined.

Yesterday, going through one of the cook books, I found a handful of old pictures, yes actual pictures.  Pictures that were almost 20 years old to about 15.  One of the photographs was of my brother and my ex-husband, when my brother graduated crew chief school… The photograph stopped me in my tracks, a few heartbeats later I stuffed it somewhere and tried to re focus on something else to distract me.  This is not the first time this has happened.  There is an old ziplock bag full of pictures, stashed on a bookshelf semi out of sight.  These photos range from over 20, 25 years old to probably about 15 years.  I know there are pictures from my married life in there and I don’t want to look at them.  I’ve tried.  I start trembling and then I find myself shuffling the pile back together and stuffing them away again.  I know I need to do something with them, but what… just toss them?  Is this part of what I’m still clinging too??

I think one of the biggest bullshit lies as women we tell ourselves, is that retail therapy is good for the soul.  No, it’s not.  It’s clutter and trying to fix one problem with another problem.  A year or so ago, I made myself promise if I buy a bag (purse, gym bag, work bag) one goes out the door to Goodwill.  I have been rather successful at keeping to this.  Now, I need to apply this rule to everything else I buy.

  • Groceries -I have a horrible habit of not taking full inventory of my cupboards before going and buying things to cook with.
  • Clothes -aww hell.  I probably wear the same few articles of clothing over and over again.  I need to do another huge purge on my closet and dresser.  Yes I’ve done one or two since early winter and dragged out the obvious things I do not wear.  Now, it’s time to do it again. This applies to both gym clothes and everyday clothes.  I probably have way too many gym clothes too.  Hell my suits for work could probably use a purge too.  Am I holding on to extra stuff because what I wore use to be a huge fight?  Why are you wearing that?  Who are you trying to impress!
  • Books -holy fuckmonkeys.  This is probably one of the biggest.  I love books, I love being surrounded by books, real actual physical books.  Being in a bookstore or a library is probably one of my happiest places.  But how many books do I own, just because.  It’s time to purge those… That is the one thing I have yet to touch and their are piles of books in just about every room of my house.  Shut up.  It’s a tiny house.
  • Makeup.  I go through phases, I guess, what kind of makeup I wear and… No.  I just need to chuck most of it.  I’m not even sure how old some of it is.  Why am I holding on to it?  Because he (ex husband) said I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup to go to the grocery store?  Because he use to accuse me of cheating..

 

Text message with my boyfriend this morning, “Well, we can just set it on fire and I can come over to put it out.”
“Ya know.  Maybe that’s how I need to look at it.  If there was a fire, what would I want to replace.”
Maybe this is exactly how I need to look at it.  What would I truly be heartbroken loosing?

I need more coffee….

i need more coffee

It’s Sunday morning, a slow lazy morning sleeping in as late as my dogs would allow, today that’s 8am.  I’ve spent the past 45 minutes, surfing a few blogs, getting caught up on  a few that I enjoy, but now I need more coffee.

Taking the dogs outside this morning, the temperature is not as breath-robbing-fridged as yesterday’s blistering windy 18 degrees, but it’s still cold.  There’s no snow to justify our temperatures; in fact, it has been a very bizarre and wacky winter.  We’ve had a few random snow falls, a lot of ran, our temperatures have ranged from single digits to upper 60s in February.  The internet joke is that winter is drunk.  I think Mother Nature cannot make up her mind what she is doing.  A week or so ago I saw a picture of Picture Rocks on  Lake Superior, there is almost no ice….just a little bit at the shore line and even that is broken and chunky.  Usually the Coast Guard is taking the Ice Breaker ships through to keep the shipping lanes open and every one is talking how thick the ice is.  Not this year.  Two weeks ago, I noticed that I have lilies popping up out of the ground.

This winter has been weird to say the very least.  I bought new snowshoes last December when we had a couple feet on the ground, then everyone was predicting one of the snowiest winters on record…. Well that proved to a be a load of crap.  The snowshoes sit, in their storage bag on my shelf with other gear, used once this year.  I’m not going to lie, I’m disappointed.

So now here it is March 12th and I’ve managed one short day of hiking, more a nature walk on a 60 degree day, since early January.  I also have not accomplished much around my house.  I had told myself in early January that I would set a winter goal to cut down on junk in this house.  I swear no matter how much stuff I donate to the Goodwill, it seems like it has not changed.

I guess I am just feeling frustrated; by this house, the winter, things at work…. Even this past week in the gym, I felt like it was just a crap week of lifting.  Don’t get me wrong, I was hitting decent numbers (especially only a month back into heavy lifting), so I should be content with that, for now.  Just with everything else, inside I feel something things to break.  Something needs to give.  I need to get back on track with all the things I had planned in my head back in January…all the things I had wanted to do or accomplish by April.

….and then I realize I totally forgot about the time change last night.  Ugh… it’s not 9am, it’s 10.  I truly despise daylight savings time.

I need more coffee.

2017

I have a long standing friend, Matt, who I have random conversations with in text message.  His life is busy with a wife, two young kids and a very patience dog.  He once commented how he enjoys reading my blog.  How it’s like listening to me tell a story and he enjoys the preview into my life even though we now live a thousand miles apart.  Aaaaaand he apologized for being THAT guy who was first to text message me and wake me up on Christmas morning.  I couldn’t help but laugh reading that text.  I also had to explain, that not only did my iPhone ding, but the Bluetooth speaker it is hooked up to for music (which I usually sleep to music) and then my Garmin watch buzzed with the new message alert.  There was no escaping the one ding of the phone.  But I also smiled, hearing how he enjoys these random topics, rants and self conversations from inside my head.  To me, this blog is more an electronic diary…. maybe I should start a few entries, Dear Blog…. nahhhh, lol.

Dear Diary, 😉

We are two weeks into the new year….
I’ve seen the New Year, New Me posts on social media and I’ve seen the New Year, same asshole posts. I’ve also seen the taunting tabs at the New Year Resolutioners and the return of how we were all beginners at one point.  At some point or another, we have all posted these…if you’ve had a gym membership for more than a year, you know what January brings.  Crowded gyms and wait lines for just about any piece of equipment.  While the gym owners love the sudden flow of new members, the dedicated members tend to dread this time of year.  It starts to slow in February and usually by March it is over.  Deal with it.  It will happen again next year, and the year after, and the year following that…

Last year I posted a blog, New Year, New Me….bite me. Besides the weekly summary and rambling on strongman training, in the first paragraph I talk about how I’ve never made a New Years Resolution and I was planning on sticking with that.  I talked about how things in 2015 had worked out pretty well for me, so why change anything.  Then between March and May a change started, slow at first then slowly gaining momentum, until it felt like a hurricane inside me. In May, I posted a blog (time to start doing the things), trying to put my feelings into words, feelings I had not even realized yet.  I was two weeks out from what was my last strongman competition, before an unknown injury became so bad I couldn’t even get out of bed.

In the May blog, I talked about how I was tired of saying someday to all the things I want to do in life, I talked about how it was time to start crossing things off my bucket list.  While I didn’t do any further “tooling” on my Jeep myself, I did start venturing out hiking, camping, snowshoeing…heck even my first rock climbing experience…ok, so rock climbing was after the first of the year.  But looking at how far I’ve come since making the decision of even with some day and just do it.  I’m proud of 2016 and I don’t plan for things to go stagnate in 2017.

They say, if you talk about your goals constantly, you’ll never achieve them, it’s just talk.  To an extent I’ll agree with this.  But I’ve never been one to blast my goals all over social media or to anyone who will listen.  I have a few select close friends that I confide my feelings, dreams and wishes to.  But today, I think I’m going to put a few things down here.  Going back to the opening of this blog, I told my friend Matt, how I do enjoy writing.  He commented how it must be a liberating feeling.  I distinctively remember I was standing outside in the cold January Michigan air and I lifted my face to the cold and smiled.  Yes.  Yes it is rather liberating.  Posting several very scary feelings and confessions…leaving this out there for anyone who cares to see and read.  Baring my bruised and battered heart in some aspects.  Other times, sharing my joy or sudden conquered fear. It is liberating.  This is my public diary…and in one year I want to be able to look back on this entry and compare, like I am today, on how far I have come.  How many things I accomplished and what did I add to my list as the year progressed.

So here is to a new year, a new you if you want it, the same you if you want… To finding happiness in all that you do and a full and happy soul.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
-C.S. Lewis

  • get my passport
  • travel outside the United States
  • get better at yoga
  • paint more
  • continue to work on MY happiness
  • rock climb, frequently
  • more camping
  • backpacking trips, yes TRIPS, multiple
  • cut back on the junk and clutter in my house …dare I say, go minimalist
  • read more

 


-Inked Amazon 💋

quit whining

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For godsake, shut up.

It’s mid December and the “new year, new me, nah I’m gonna be the same asshole” is already popping up; but that isn’t the one I roll my eyes at the most.  The memes talking about how horrible 2016 has been.

SERIOUSLY?!?!

Tell me, what did you actively do to make your year better?  Or did you just let a bad year happen to you?  Wait, grab your helmet, ready for an amazing concept?  This is fucking life people. If you don’t actively work, every freakin day to make life good, if you just let life happen to you, yea it’s gonna suck.  Drop your pathetic woe is me attitude and get a grip on your life.  There is a saying in strength sports, control what you can control and let the rest happen.  Pretty amazing thought when you actually sit down to think about it, I know.

Frankly, I thought 2016 was pretty amazing.  I got out of the house, did things besides just work and pay bills and live in a gym.  I went on local adventures, hiking and camping. I  competed in United States Strongman Nationals, with an unknown-at-the-time injury.  Worked on my Jeep.  Rediscovered my passion for my art, drawing and painting.  Started home projects of repainting furniture.  Made the active decision to reduce the use of plastic grocery bags, by turning old t-shirts into totes and using stronger canvas totes for heavier grocery items…and been successful at actually using them.  Got out of my comfort zone and got into yoga, not just at home but into an actual yoga studio.  Worked on making myself a better person…Sure I had my set backs during the year.  But I didn’t blame life, I didn’t blame the calendar year.  Instead I mentally shook my fist at the universe and said you are not going to hold me back.  This too shall end.  I actively took little steps every day to be grateful for the life I have and to make it better each day; even if it was as small as repeatedly saying I was not going to let things affect my mood.  Even if I had to force a good mood/day.  The amazing thing?  When you constantly repeat something, it comes to pass.  So if you are walking around saying how horrible something is, it becomes horrible.; you can only blame yourself for your bad day.  Frankly it’s no big surprise if you get home and you’ve had a shitty day.

So what’s your excuse for life being so miserable and why 2016 was so horrible to you?  Because I disagree, 2016 was pretty awesome and I’m going to force 2017 to be as amazing.  I’ve already planned more adventures with friends and that’s only the beginning.

I’ve seen social media friends on Instagram (yes you, beesquiggle, imua513, kilo_charlie_ and bellajk924) posting pictures and I think…wow… YES that’s what I want to do, or be there… These are every day women, they have faced their own set backs this year but you don’t see whining bullshit on their pages.  Instead, you see a constant stream of getting out there and enjoying life.

Ok, so I don’t know three the women in real life, but I do know one, she happens to be basically my BFF and adventure buddy. On her vacation to Burma last month, when her WiFi was good, beesquiggle would send me messages talking about her day and the things she saw and experienced.  I couldn’t even tell you how many times I told her I wanted to go with her when she goes back….hell, I’m sure I only told her that about a third of the time I thought it.  It filled my heart with such warmth to hear her talk about the experiences and how beautiful the sights were.

Another one kilo_charlie_ , I know she is recovering from a serious surgery and she STILL isn’t whining about how shitty 2016 has been to her.  Instead, as soon as she was in a walking soft cast, the woman went out camping with just her dog.  She said to hell with it.  I’m going to do what makes me happy for my birthday, cast or not, and I’m gonna enjoy it with just my dog.  I exchanged messages with her when she got back and the warm glow of utter content that flowed from her messages made me happy for her and a slight glow of envy, like: I wanna do that too!!  I want to go camping, just me and my boys….

I’ve exchanged a few messages over the several years that imua513 and I have followed each other on Instagram.  The pics she shares with us, a life of adventure in the beautiful state of Hawaii….she makes me want to move there and take up surfing!

Then there is bellajk924, she makes me want to move to Colorado and go Jeepin with her!!  I definitely feel small twinges of envy with all her beautiful Jeep exploring pics…wow.

But I don’t look at any of these pictures and just move back on to some every day living without trying to enrich my own life.  So in another way, I could say that these every day ladies inspire me to make my own life as rich and as full.  They are not Instagram-famous, sponsored individuals with 3,000 followers.  They are totally down to earth women, who have decided to share their every day life with social media.

This doesn’t mean start posting that dumb meme about how you want to inspire people.  If your sole mission or reason for being on social media is to be an inspiration, well, frankly you’re a self centered, egotistical asshole.  Yes, it is flattering when someone tells you that, they think you are an inspiration and that they have tried something or started something new because of you, or maybe they have over come something…but if that is what your social media presents lives for, you are extremely shallow.  Get over yourself.

Hell, get over this whole notion of how bad 2016 supposedly was.  It wasn’t.  Every year is fucked up in it’s own way.  The difference is how you choose to perceive events and how you let them effect you.

Frankly, if this offends a few of you.  Wonderful.  It means you are exactly the ones I’m talking about.  Do something to change it, or are you so shallow that you think I’m the only one who thinks this?  Probably.  So I’ll take a line from one of your multiple posts, unfollow/unfriend me so that I can return the favor.  Your negativity is raining on my parade of a forced (blessed, rolling my eyes at you) good life.

 

-Inked Amazon 💋💀

 

lost and rediscovered

I’m closing on my twenty year high school reunion.

Where the hell did twenty years go?!?

One of the gals I went to high school with created a Facebook group, I’ve watched the threads posted, the comments and the pictures… Let’s face it, without the pictures I don’t remember more than a third of the people I went to high school with.

I don’t miss it, I don’t look back at high school and think, those were the best years.  High school sucked plain and simple, sucked more than any teen movie portrays.  The popular crowd ignored those not among them, bullied some, laughed openly at others… I wasn’t bullied in high school, but I was bullied in junior high (different school district); this set a hard life lesson that not everyone is going to like you and you can’t be everyone’s friend. At twelve and thirteen years old, that’s a rough lesson to learn.  It’s probably why, by the time I hit high school and a new school district I no longer cared about the popular crowd and I couldn’t understand why anyone on “the outs” wanted to be like them.

What I do miss about high school, besides not paying bills and not having to be an adult yet… oh and the idiotic dreaming about how amazing being an adult would be, ugh weren’t we all blind!  Do I actually miss anything?  Well, I still think the music was better in the 90s.  Fashion, well that depends on who you look at.  Some of it makes me laugh. I would say an accurate depiction of how my generation dressed in high school would be one of two teen movies: Can’t Hardly Wait or She’s All That.

Thinking back before high school, during the years of 7th and 8th grade when I was bullied; I read just about every book I could get my hands on.  My poor mother was making constant trips for me to the public library and I could spend hours lost in the isles.  Remember this was long before the digital e-readers (kindles and nooks), there was no social media and no internet…thank god.  I also discovered a love for drawing.  At that age I did not know what good art supplies were or the difference.  I just swiped my father’s pencils and any blank or even lined paper I could get my hands on.

Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.

Recently I changed my facebook profile picture; my more militaristic guy friends have taken to enjoying calling me a hipster.  Which a slouchy beanie and flannel does not make you a hipster anymore than a law degree makes you President of the United States.  I’ve worn flannels since high school, this one in particular happens to be over five years old (and Under Armor brand) an the beanie, well I have a very extensive collection of knit beanies in constant search of the perfect one.

So my friend Bee and I had a brief conversation about this, laughing; I commented how if I as a hipster it started in high school, or just before, but I was just more or less one of the art kids.  Bee commented back how she would love to have seen some of my high school work.  Bee has seen a few pieces I recently started working on.  I feel very out of practice, but like anything, the more you sketch, the better things feel.  I still have my college portfolio…before I ran off and joined the Army out of a broken heart… and a few pieces, sketch books, from high school.  I know exactly where they are and without thinking I started pulling them out and sending her pictures of some of the different pieces that stirred old feelings.

 

Art washes away from the soul the dust of every day life.

Art is never finished.  Only abandoned. -Leonardo Da Vinci

Some of the pieces were just doodles, some were pieces that had been turned in as art assignments.  Pages upon pages loose in a folder or tucked into books.  I use to not go anywhere without a sketch book and a couple pencils.

 Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. -Pablo Picasso

Sometimes, I wonder, if by joining the Army my young self, felt that I had to put away my past and all things associated with it, like my art.  A year after joining the Army, I got married, suddenly and much shock to my parents.  Inside, I know that somewhere I felt I was expected to grow up more, to change…sadly I did just this.  There are very few sketches from the years I was married, almost none and even less from the few years post divorce.  Post divorce is probably when I should have been sketching more than anything… *sigh* …instead I turned into a workaholic. I spent years this way, too many years.  In fact, the past two years have felt like waking up from a coma…a walking breathing coma.

This past summer, after my lifting injury (slip disk in my neck) I started sketching again.  I bought two new sketch books, one large and one small one.  I need, want, to get back into the habit of carrying the smaller one with me again….like I use to do once upon a time.  I still have all my old pencils, smudge sticks, paint brushes and other random things one collects, a cheap large tool box holds most the randoms and then late summer I dropped some cash for a new desk.  Some days it seems to be a catch all for clothes during the week.  But last weekend it served the purpose as a make-shift sewing table.  The simple fact I am slowing bring back the artist inside me makes me feel more complete.

-Inked Amazon

I. Am. You.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression, winter blues, summer depression, summertime sadness, or seasonal depression, is a mood disorder subset in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or summer.

A lot of people struggle with one season or another, for me I can’t really say it’s a season…it’s the loss of sunlight that kills me.  Usually mid fall, as the days are creeping shorter and shorter and fall in Michigan usually means rain, doom and gloomy cold rain.  I’m talking 40 degrees and all day drizzling, that chill that seeps into your bones and you just can’t shake.

This fall season, we’ve been lucky, not too many rainy days and the temperatures have been above normal.  In actuality, the weather has been absolutely beautiful.  It’s November 7th and we still have leaves on the trees, we’ve just hit peak change of color.   I cannot remember any previous fall in Michigan were we had leaves on the trees on Halloween, let alone going into November.  We’ve had a few rainy days here and there, but nothing that lasted weeks on end, no living in rain boots this fall.  All in all, it’s been wonderful.

but. . .

The lack of longer daylight hours is still creeping up on me.  I find myself not getting out of bed so easily.  Wanting to crawl into bed sooner.  Not being as productive around my house.  My general mood some days is a fight and some days I say fuck it and just crawl back into bed with my dogs and watch movies all day. I eat because I’m bored, because I don’t want to do anything else…and especially carbs, way too much bread and pasta.  Which I have been horribly guilty of the past three weeks.  Then  I waste way too much time surfing social media, almost blindly.

This year I’m trying to fight it, not just with forcing myself to get out and hike like I did this past weekend, but long term.  Usually, I end up hermit-ing indoors during the winter.  I’m not into skiing, snowboarded a couple of times as a teenager but no real interest in attempting that again.  So for one reason or another I’m liking the idea of getting into snowshoeing… keep me outdoors during the winter, be able to get out to some of my favorite local trails, maybe explore a few new areas…. and hell just enjoy the season.  Am I nuts?!  Obviously yes.

Next on my list: diet.
Now I hate the word “diet,” it means something temporary… like the 3 day diet cleanse, the 30 day whatever diet.  It’s a temporary lets fuck up our system, shock the hell out of it and get some drastic changes but not change our habits and see what kind of results we get!  Well geez is there any real surprise that people go through these roller coaster diets with the same results over and over again?

Moving down the list: working out.
We all know, I know very well how to do this.  I’ve spent the majority of my adult life in the top quarter of my age bracket for physical fitness.  Not only does my career (since I was 19) require it, but I enjoy it.  Ok, I might not enjoy it during.  I may want to cuss the weights out, walk away, fight…but I push through and when the session is done, my mood and my body feel amazing…even if that amazing is laying on the floor in a puddle of sweat wondering what the fuck just happened.  It’s a good feeling.  It’s been my go to stress relief and mood booster for years; but it only takes me so far in the gloomy fall weather.  Now factor in, recovering from an injury and my lifting numbers are not as heavy as they were this past summer.  It’s not a bad thing.  Mentally I am fine with it.  In fact I had turned to yoga during the early stages of my recovery and now I am 10 days into a 30 day yoga challenge by Bad Yogi (You can find the free videos here: 30 Day Challenge Day 1).  I’m enjoying it immensely, despite the fact my seasonal allergies have been absolutely bizerk… You trying down dog with your nose plugged and feeling the pressure in both cheeks.  Sucks!

I will say the difference in my mood/attitude since making yoga a regular part of my day, is absolutely amazing… Now if I could actually force myself to sit and meditate a few minutes every day.  Then again, I want to see anyone pull that off in my house.  The 60 pound pittie, doesn’t have time for me wasting our time, by meditating. It can be difficult enough just trying to get through a 25-45 minutes of yoga; the arm, face, toe licking can get to such a point it is hard to focus and sometimes he positions himself in such a manner that it makes it difficult to move on my mat.

However, I still feel like there is something I’m missing.  Something that can help with my mood, help keep my mood positive during the season changes.

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