Where does the time go?

Last weekend I was sitting in a tree stand with my bow thinking I should write a blog about this… A couple days later when I looked, it’s been a year since I wrote anything.  A whole year?!?

Where has the time gone?!

Then I started thinking about how the past year of chaos has been spent… Absorbed with good friends, the stress and chaos of loosing the house I was renting and buying a place of my own, moving, work, learning how to be a homeowner and all the oddities that have gone into the first 6 months, the beginning and end of a couple romantic relationships, white tail bow hunting for the first time…. Yea, it’s been a busy 300 and some odd days.

Now I’m sitting at my kitchen table… I have room for a kitchen table!!  With the 4 new to me chairs I just purchased yesterday morning, looking out the slider door over my deck and backyard.  The late October Michigan sky is overcast of blues and grey, we had freezing rain yesterday and a little snow last night -the first of the season.  My heart is so in love with my life.

In late August or maybe early September, not really sure which, hell maybe it was even July…while hosting a bonfire at my house with friends; I decided I was going to host this year’s holiday party with friends.  Wait, whaaatttt…. I’m hosting the holiday party!?!!!  I have not hosted one since 2006, the same year as my divorce.  I’ve gone to a friends house once or twice for Christmas, but in the past 10+ years I have not willingly done much for the holidays.  In fact last year’s plans fell through because my friends’ kids were sick, so instead I barricaded myself in my tiny rental with a rotisserie chicken and pie, then decided to paint my bedroom. The year before I spent Christmas day with my phones (work included) turned off and snowshoeing.

Now this year, I am planning the Yule dinner with friends -yes it is going include a bonfire!  …and I am so excited about all of it.  Yesterday I was in Hobby Lobby and of course the Christmas decorations were 40% off, I bought a new tree topper and some bulbs, a table runner and I was smiling the whole time. Let that sink in, I bought Christmas stuff in October!  Me!!  The one who has been boycotting anything to do with the holidays the past 10 years.  Now mentally I am running over in my head how I want to set the house up, the feeling I want the home to give off with the decorations and oh crap I want to buy this or that… I need this…. I want to replace these for those….

Last year I talked about the emotional healing I felt I had gone through and that I had come to be in a better place.  Clearly what started last year has continued into this year like a snowball rolling down a steep cliff.  Proof of this can be seen in the smile on my face when I fill my house with the loud laughter of my friends.  The calmness in my soul on an overcast Sunday morning as I enjoy my morning coffee curled up in my oversized chair with my two dogs laying on my feet.

I still eat animal crackers with my coffee on a lazy weekend morning, some things will never change.

img_4783

 

Advertisements

I. Am. You.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression, winter blues, summer depression, summertime sadness, or seasonal depression, is a mood disorder subset in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or summer.

A lot of people struggle with one season or another, for me I can’t really say it’s a season…it’s the loss of sunlight that kills me.  Usually mid fall, as the days are creeping shorter and shorter and fall in Michigan usually means rain, doom and gloomy cold rain.  I’m talking 40 degrees and all day drizzling, that chill that seeps into your bones and you just can’t shake.

This fall season, we’ve been lucky, not too many rainy days and the temperatures have been above normal.  In actuality, the weather has been absolutely beautiful.  It’s November 7th and we still have leaves on the trees, we’ve just hit peak change of color.   I cannot remember any previous fall in Michigan were we had leaves on the trees on Halloween, let alone going into November.  We’ve had a few rainy days here and there, but nothing that lasted weeks on end, no living in rain boots this fall.  All in all, it’s been wonderful.

but. . .

The lack of longer daylight hours is still creeping up on me.  I find myself not getting out of bed so easily.  Wanting to crawl into bed sooner.  Not being as productive around my house.  My general mood some days is a fight and some days I say fuck it and just crawl back into bed with my dogs and watch movies all day. I eat because I’m bored, because I don’t want to do anything else…and especially carbs, way too much bread and pasta.  Which I have been horribly guilty of the past three weeks.  Then  I waste way too much time surfing social media, almost blindly.

This year I’m trying to fight it, not just with forcing myself to get out and hike like I did this past weekend, but long term.  Usually, I end up hermit-ing indoors during the winter.  I’m not into skiing, snowboarded a couple of times as a teenager but no real interest in attempting that again.  So for one reason or another I’m liking the idea of getting into snowshoeing… keep me outdoors during the winter, be able to get out to some of my favorite local trails, maybe explore a few new areas…. and hell just enjoy the season.  Am I nuts?!  Obviously yes.

Next on my list: diet.
Now I hate the word “diet,” it means something temporary… like the 3 day diet cleanse, the 30 day whatever diet.  It’s a temporary lets fuck up our system, shock the hell out of it and get some drastic changes but not change our habits and see what kind of results we get!  Well geez is there any real surprise that people go through these roller coaster diets with the same results over and over again?

Moving down the list: working out.
We all know, I know very well how to do this.  I’ve spent the majority of my adult life in the top quarter of my age bracket for physical fitness.  Not only does my career (since I was 19) require it, but I enjoy it.  Ok, I might not enjoy it during.  I may want to cuss the weights out, walk away, fight…but I push through and when the session is done, my mood and my body feel amazing…even if that amazing is laying on the floor in a puddle of sweat wondering what the fuck just happened.  It’s a good feeling.  It’s been my go to stress relief and mood booster for years; but it only takes me so far in the gloomy fall weather.  Now factor in, recovering from an injury and my lifting numbers are not as heavy as they were this past summer.  It’s not a bad thing.  Mentally I am fine with it.  In fact I had turned to yoga during the early stages of my recovery and now I am 10 days into a 30 day yoga challenge by Bad Yogi (You can find the free videos here: 30 Day Challenge Day 1).  I’m enjoying it immensely, despite the fact my seasonal allergies have been absolutely bizerk… You trying down dog with your nose plugged and feeling the pressure in both cheeks.  Sucks!

I will say the difference in my mood/attitude since making yoga a regular part of my day, is absolutely amazing… Now if I could actually force myself to sit and meditate a few minutes every day.  Then again, I want to see anyone pull that off in my house.  The 60 pound pittie, doesn’t have time for me wasting our time, by meditating. It can be difficult enough just trying to get through a 25-45 minutes of yoga; the arm, face, toe licking can get to such a point it is hard to focus and sometimes he positions himself in such a manner that it makes it difficult to move on my mat.

However, I still feel like there is something I’m missing.  Something that can help with my mood, help keep my mood positive during the season changes.

Inked Amazon

a free soul 

The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it – basically because you feel good, very good -Charles Bukowski

A month ago, I posted a blog about getting out and doing more. More than just training and work.  Well… Planning weekends with friends has not been open until this weekend.  Don’t get me wrong, I have been putting plans into motion.

My middle sister read the last blog and when I went to the beach the following day, she was facebook messaging me from some where in the South Pacific -she is active duty Navy, and out to sea right now.  She made comments how she wished she was here to starting doing these things with me; but if you look at her facebook, this gal has already been doing the things I want to do.  So what better company to make long term plans with.  So quickly the conversation turned to the two of us making plans… One of them being camping, camping in Wyoming next year.

In the past handful of weeks, we have sent links for different areas of Wyoming back and forth.  I’ve asked her opinion on gear -the woman has hiked, camped, climbed and mountain biked in areas of Europe, California, Alaska and God knows where else! And largely just talking  about it, makes me so excited!

Along with making plans with my sister, my friend and fellow strongwoman, Brogan and I have gone hiking, tubing, stuffed our faces with all the good foods and topped it off with a touch of sunburns that smell like coconut suntan lotion. We are also made local plans for a camping weekend with several other girlfriends.  Which, I am hell bound I want to camp ON a Lake Michigan beach, which Brogan is just shaking her head at me.  My response, I said I don’t want to look at these cool pictures you see on REI, North Face or any of the other outdoor sites; I want to be the one taking the pictures and making these memories with my friends.  So at dinner Saturday night, Brogan was googling locations.

 

On my own there have been beach trips -yes we have real beaches here in Michigan; The Great Lakes are pretty much fresh water oceans.  I have also purchased new art supplies to replace those that have disappeared over the years, or just needed new.  I have also added a new design desk to my room, a small drawing table; and I saw small because anyone who knows the size of a drafting desk, knows just how big they usually are.  Anyway, I have spent my gym weekday rest days at my new desk, working on a few different projects.

 

13592221_10154293448390879_6055305666852088455_n

And frankly it all feels amazing and good.

My soul is happy.  I have ended each one of these days with a glow and a genuine smile, or so my buddies on the other end of snap chat say so.

 

-Inked Amazon Warrior
💋💀